We Really Need A Humor Section To Break the Tension Here, So.....

[M]

Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. 

One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said: 
  
DA END ISS NEAR! 
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW 
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE! 
  
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave     people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!" 
  
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. 

Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."  

"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"

[M]

The Story of Minnesota

Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.    Minnesota gets its name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah", meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye".   The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind".   The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.   Madison , Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world". Avoid this city at all costs.   "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick", but that was changed for some reason.   Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks,

[M]

This one's definitely Politically Incorrect, and I don't like Political Correctness. In fact I consider Political Correctness as Fascism pretending to be manners.

ITALIAN HONEYMOON

 

 

 

 

After returning from

his honeymoon in

Florida with his new

bride, Virginia, Luigi

stopped by his old

barbershop in Jersey

to say hello to his

friends.

 

 

 

 

Giovanni said, "Hey

Luigi, how wasa da

treep?"

 

 

Luigi said, "Everyting

wasa perfecto except

for da train ride

down."

"Whatayou mean,

Luigi?" asked

Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da

train at Grana Central

Station. My beautiful

Virginia , she pack a

biga basket a food.

She brough at da vino,

some nice cigars for

me, and we were

lookina forward to da

trip, and open upa da

luncha basket.

"The conductore

comea by, waga his

finger at us anda say,

'no eat indisa car.

Musta use a

dining car..'

"So, me and my

beautiful Virginia , we

go to da dining car, eat

a biga lunch and starta

at open da bottle of a

nice a vino!

"Conductore walka by

again, waga his finger

and say, 'No drinka in

disa car!  Musta use a

cluba car.'  So, we go

to cluba car.

While a drinkina da

vino, I starta to lighta

my biga cigar.  The

conductore, he waga

is finger again and

say, 'No a smokina

disa car. Musta go to a

smokina car ...' 

"We go to a smokina

car and I smoke a my biga cigar.  Then my

beautiful Virginia and

I, we go to a sleeper

car anda go to bed.

We just about to go

boombada boombada

and the conductore,

he walka through da

hallway shouting at a

top of his a voice..

" 'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

"Nexta time, I'ma just

gonna taka da bus."

*******************************************************************************************

[M]

LIFE' THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY' 

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.	Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.	How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'	I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!	Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

[M]

Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, "Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence."

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dumbass, stop clapping!"

[M]

[M]

I started it, now it's up to all of you to keep it going if you want it to lighten the load a little.